I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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