I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
