Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you still have your period?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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