He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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