Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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