You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
