I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
