I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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