I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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