I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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