i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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