Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
