Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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