remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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