from now on my penis is your penis
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
