Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
please come you make the beer taste better
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A bitchslap is in order.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
