I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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