i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
