Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
