Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
