I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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