Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
