My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
