I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
