i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
