you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am mentally ready for anal.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
