Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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