Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
