i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
