You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
