you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Drunk walkin through police station. America
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
