There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I could fuck to npr.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
