he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
