definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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