Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
