did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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