New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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