we have officially lost it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
