Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
