i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
FUCK WHALES
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
