Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
