Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
