I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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