I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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