We're facebook friends in real life
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
