I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
