I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
