living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
