No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
