i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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