mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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